quiet outburst

Sometimes I get this moment when a flood of emotions hit me, and I don't know what to do. I want to spill them out, but then again, I'm so use to keeping everything inside that I just remain quietly brooding, hoping no one notices because I care not to explain why I'm brooding.

But keeping it in just seems to do no good, so let's try some blogging about it.

Love is confusing. It's like trying to figure out some impossible equation. When you think you've got it figure out, boom, something else stumbles your reasoning and shoves you back to Square 1.

Perhaps the many of you who know me are thinking... oh... is she talking about Wes? In fact, I am. Today has been a roller coaster of a day. But in fact, nothing has really happened at all. I enjoyed two movies, drove out in really warm weather, returned in really warm weather. But then again, I received an unfriendly headache. Not to mention that spending almost four something hours just in the movie theater feels like a time-waster, even if you enjoyed the movies you 'wasted' your time on.

Small things, right?

Well, the cb holds great fun; and it was just a tease of fun between me and another. And I don't know if it bothers people if I state this, but I know I'm bi-sexual. It isn't obvious because I don't flaunt it about. Wes knows it; as do a few closer friends. The family doesn't, because they'd get outraged. They're fully against same-sex relationships.
Anyway, sometimes emotions get the better of you I suppose when you see the one you adore, idolize, love beyond words... tease about being the girlfriend with someone in the cb. And I can't say I blame him, it makes sense... But wasn't it obvious that it was teasing? Can't I have a bit of fun?
I mean... looking at my point of view... I'm not really doing anything but having some fun, it's nothing serious and I'm fairly certain the other member of this fun knew that [heck, she's married!]. Yet, still, it bothered him.
And I'm sorry, Wes, if this bugs you that I'm writing about it, but I need a release. Sometimes it frustrates me that this happens. Because you know I love you, heck, I'm declining phone numbers over here! That isn't easy, you know!! But I'm waiting for you, hoping you don't let me down.....

2 remarks you left for me!:

Weston said...


I can't explain why it hurts me, all i know is that it does. I am allowed to my own feelings, correct?

And i know you are the object of many people, and am grateful that you are waiting for me. We have this connection, and this love that is hard to grasp from an outsider's point of view maybe, but it just feels so right to us.

I will never let you down hun, ever. I know it is tough waiting for me, It is tough on me too, but i really don't have a choice in the matter. You are my only option, and my true love. So i think you can wait for me, in fact, i know you can, because we love each other.

-hugs you close-

I love you with all my heart.

Dew-chan said...

you're so sweet. :) i love ya